Perception of Love

Many times I define love, many times I deny everything other than love
I speak of the love as the only one, for I have none to match the one I call, the one.

I say to my girlfriend/wife that I love you but then, I dint even know you existed few months ago, few years ago, few decades ago
I say I never know what love is until I met you
Do I say that because I have defined love as the absence of love and now I define love as the absence of that absence of that which I defined myself as love
I wonder if that is love

A mother says to her son, I love you, but the mother doesn’t even know the son until she conceived the son/daughter, who was this son/daughter before then, where was the love before?
So, Is love that develops with progression of time, experience and memory?
Is love that comes and goes as I will and wish?, Is that Love?
Rather than condemn this thought, I must consider it!

Is it possible that I define and speak of love as if it is the very life itself, a life that contains all of this illusion of perception of this and that
So as to make me feel secure and keep my illusion of security and comfort going,
So I am intoxicated in this illusion of mine and never to wake up to question my perception of love?

Do I speak of love so I can keep a lock on love
Lock on all that speak of love?
Maybe this is why I don’t want you to change, nor question myself, for then, I don’t have to change because the you don’t have to change.
Maybe, this is why I am so attached to my labels of my race, my country, my religion etc. in my every act and in my every thought I think
May be this why I encourage you to speak of them as well, divide yourself from me as well so we can divide ourselves and I don’t have to change or give up that which I hold on to, cling on to
is this love?
If this is love, then I wonder if this is actually the attachment to the experience of the mind and the memory developed from that experience

When all else fails to satisfy my clinging, my dinging of what I hold on to, I say, love cannot be defined, it must be felt
Forgetting that I am still defining love by un-defining love, in feeling love.

When I cut open my skull, I see no thoughts of hate or love. I cut open my heart, I see no sign of love, so where is this so called love?

Maybe, rather than asking what is love, for that only shows the quality of love
I ask myself “why” do I feel certain way when I “think” of hate or when I “think” that I am in love or I am loved?
Where is this perception of mine coming from?, Is it from this body?, Is it from the others body? And when the other ceases to exist first in my thought, what is happens to love?

Will I then be able to understand/feel for myself, the actuality of that which is happening within me, the awareness of me that I call me
Maybe then, I can no longer hide behind the words or the illusion of my own perceptions and its security/comfort both mentally and physically.

And maybe then I am naked, “COMPLETELY” naked inside out.

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Reality of Reality

The reality of reality has no reality
The selective reality of the collective reality makes my reality a reality
When the mind thinking of reality is no longer in the collective reality, I create my own selective reality based on my experience, my memory of the selective reality
And yet a different selective reality within the collective reality but of the collective reality

Those that are of the collective reality may not understand this selective reality of mine, may not belong to, may not confirm, may not affirm to me or this selective reality of mine
For it is not their selective reality
For their reality is a collective reality of memory of each other, a selective reality of the collective memory of each other

When my selective reality is different from that of the other, I call my reality a delusion, an illusion
For my reality is an illusion, only when compared to the others memory of their collective reality, trying to make it my reality

Yet when the selective realities of a different collective realities form, come together to agree upon, to confirm each other, I gather myself to stand up for this new collective reality
For I am always looking for comfort in the others memory of the reality
For I am looking for a confirmation, an affirmation from the other of my reality to makeup my own reality

For I am even afraid of my own selective reality, I am afraid to stand ALONE!
For I have only been lonely but never ALONE.
So I go after more of the same reality to stay in the collective reality and yet create a personal reality based on the collective reality

This way I go after more and more of the same collective reality, a comfortable fantasy
For I always seek some more of the more
OR I go after more and more that has no more
For then, I also seek some more of no more

And the more I seek, the more I bleak
The more I want more, the more I need more
The more may not need me but the me needs more
For the me is the mean that wants more to need more
So I make a new me that wants no more and needs no more
Only to realize that no more is also another more of some more

Maybe the some more of the no more and the more of the some more is also more of the some more
For the quality of the more may differ but there is always more

Now with no more and no some more of no more, I mar the me that wants more and needs more
With no me to me and no more of me, I have no, no more or more of more

For all realities are illusions of my mind and all illusions are realities of my mind, that is seeking, that are peaking

And maybe when the me that is seeking, peaking and creating these realities reflects back on to its own selective nature of the collective and the very collective
Maybe then I may have no I, no I am, no me, no you that is neither you, nor me, nor you & me.

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Human & Numen

A human needs no high-rises nor 10 bed townhomes
A human body needs a shelter within nature, within the nature of nature

A human needs no company of a companion
A human needs to accompany the mind of the human

A human needs no security of tomorrow
A human needs to scrutinize the human mind of today

A human needs no fort of comfort
A human needs to get to know the confinement of the comfortable mind

A human needs no needs of the wants to haunt
A human needs to daunt the wants of the needs

A human needs no free will nor the free will of choice
A human needs freedom, from free will and free will of choice
Freedom, from my own known voice

Freedom is not a dome that it is confined to but maybe is the home that has no dome
Freedom is not in the blame of the other nor in the acceptance of the other, but in neither

Freedom is not in the experience of the yesterday nor the repetition of the memory of the yesterday but maybe in the birth of the awareness of today

Freedom is not in the labels, not on the tables of the labels, nor in the fables of the labels
But maybe, in the unlabeled, in the un-tabled, within the un-fabled

Freedom is not in the confinements and conditions of hate or love, chaos or peace, for both are simply refined confinements, refined conditions
However refined the confinement, The refined, is only as fine as its confinement
But maybe in that which is neither confined/refined nor conditioned

Thus, a mind that is unexplored beyond its confinements, beyond its own known refinements,
is a mind that is unexamined

For a human that is free is like a numen and a lumen that know of no numen or lumen
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