Perception of Love

Many times I define love, many times I deny everything other than love
I speak of the love as the only one, for I have none to match the one I call, the one.

I say to my girlfriend/wife that I love you but then, I dint even know you existed few months ago, few years ago, few decades ago
I say I never know what love is until I met you
Do I say that because I have defined love as the absence of love and now I define love as the absence of that absence of that which I defined myself as love
I wonder if that is love

A mother says to her son, I love you, but the mother doesn’t even know the son until she conceived the son/daughter, who was this son/daughter before then, where was the love before?
So, Is love that develops with progression of time, experience and memory?
Is love that comes and goes as I will and wish?, Is that Love?
Rather than condemn this thought, I must consider it!

Is it possible that I define and speak of love as if it is the very life itself, a life that contains all of this illusion of perception of this and that
So as to make me feel secure and keep my illusion of security and comfort going,
So I am intoxicated in this illusion of mine and never to wake up to question my perception of love?

Do I speak of love so I can keep a lock on love
Lock on all that speak of love?
Maybe this is why I don’t want you to change, nor question myself, for then, I don’t have to change because the you don’t have to change.
Maybe, this is why I am so attached to my labels of my race, my country, my religion etc. in my every act and in my every thought I think
May be this why I encourage you to speak of them as well, divide yourself from me as well so we can divide ourselves and I don’t have to change or give up that which I hold on to, cling on to
is this love?
If this is love, then I wonder if this is actually the attachment to the experience of the mind and the memory developed from that experience

When all else fails to satisfy my clinging, my dinging of what I hold on to, I say, love cannot be defined, it must be felt
Forgetting that I am still defining love by un-defining love, in feeling love.

When I cut open my skull, I see no thoughts of hate or love. I cut open my heart, I see no sign of love, so where is this so called love?

Maybe, rather than asking what is love, for that only shows the quality of love
I ask myself “why” do I feel certain way when I “think” of hate or when I “think” that I am in love or I am loved?
Where is this perception of mine coming from?, Is it from this body?, Is it from the others body? And when the other ceases to exist first in my thought, what is happens to love?

Will I then be able to understand/feel for myself, the actuality of that which is happening within me, the awareness of me that I call me
Maybe then, I can no longer hide behind the words or the illusion of my own perceptions and its security/comfort both mentally and physically.

And maybe then I am naked, “COMPLETELY” naked inside out.

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The Other

In the death is the breath of the other
In the breath of the other is the birth of another
In the Birth of another is the experience of each other
In the experience of each other, is the memory of together

In the memory of the together, i tether
To the he memory of the other, I wither
For the memory of the other, i shiver
To the memory of the other, i hither

For a few moments in the memory and for a few monuments within the memory
I go after the memory to make a memory of the memory for another memory
Not realizing that within my memory

The name changes
the game changes
the fame changes
The shame changes
And the reason behind the season for change, changes
But the essence behind the name, the game, the fame and the shame, remains the same

For my memory ignites my recognition
Whether the recognition is of uncompassion or of compassion, is still my memory

Recognition as my ignition
I burn on the fuel of duel
The duel of the bad and the good, one for the other, one over the other, one or the other

In this battle against one another, each other, within my memory
I rattle my own memories making more memories
Memories that make me a cattle
cattle that is served into the plate of my own battles

And this i call, memories of life
I wonder if i unmemorize my memory and my memory of my memories, with no memory to memory to memorize the memory of the memory
what is that lives on, what will be life then?

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Awareness

Can I live in the AWARENESS of yesterday and in the WONDER of today?
I wonder what kind of experience will that be?

I ask this question NOT to compare it with quotes like
“Stop and smell the roses” or “Live in the present moment” and then conclude that it means this or that.

But actually find out for myself
what is living in “awareness of yesterday/past experience” and
what is living in the “memory of the yesterday/past” experience really mean.
Is there a difference between Awareness and Memory?

Does “Awareness” mean that so and so exist and I know it does?
For example – I am aware that i have a body called human body.

Does “memory” mean that i had an experience and i know the “result of the experience”, so i “choose” to have the same experience again or not, but most certainly I know what the end result is, isn’t it?

Most times, i find myself living in the memories of my past experiences or in the memories of others experiences (family/friends/society etc etc) creating traditions, conditions etc
But what if i change my mind consciously to live in the “AWARENESS” of the past experiences?

Now that i am living in the awareness of yesterday and don’t know if the present experience will be a bad or good experience.
Can i simply wonder what the experience will be, simply experiencing the experience but yet aware?

What kind of life/experience will my life/experience be when the “AWARNESS MEETS WONDER” every second, every single thought of mine?

so, can I live in the “AWARENESS of yesterday and in the WONDER of Today”?
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