Memory as Life

From the unknown to known, I get to know the “You”
From the known, I fight for the you, I take flight with the you, making the you, an image of the You within me, making the me

I fight for the You to keep our memories alive, my memories alive
I come back again and again and again from the unknown to the known to make one more memory of you, with the you, for another dance with the you, a dance of me and you through me

Like a bee that searches for honey, I search for memories with the you, to make memories with you
Memories so sweet, sweeter than the sweetest nectar
Just like a bee that builds a hive to store all its honey
I build walls around my memories to store the memories of the you

In the memory I live, for the memory I am alive
In the memory I think, for the memory I drink
In the memory I blink, for the memory I ink
For another memory, I link

My mind loaded with so many memories of the you and the me, I go on creating more memories of me and you, to hold you, to feel you, to get to know you, so I can hold on to the memory of the you.

But,
The harder I try to hold on to you, the smoother you slip through
The slower I lift you towards me, the faster you slip through
Only to show me that I too one day have to slip through my own fingers, through my own memories back into the ocean, to the unknown

Just like the water is no water to the ocean and the ocean is no ocean to water
For the memory has no memory to itself, to hold on to itself

So will I live in my memories making memories from memories, will I live in my memory of my memories?
I wonder…..
I wonder of life with no memory of life.

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Meditation

Meditation as my medication
Another form of intoxication, another form of hallucigenic dictation, to escape into an imagination
to create a new scape, a new cape to gape
I take shape to reshape the same shape

Meditation as a repitive mechanistic idea
Meditation as a habit, as a pratice
I become a babbit to that practiced habit

I may Ace my face in this habit and hop around like a rabbit as I inhibit the persona of the exhibit
For now i have become an exhibit, a inhibit to my very self
To prohibit myself, to come out of my shelf

For Mediation when practiced as a habit, as a repetitive idea, whether attached to my current habit, or developed as a new habit, will just be another habit
Another habit that will eventually loose its luster as soon as the pleasure of the new habit has faded, for that very idea of habit is jaded
For all I am trying to do is to fulfill my desire to achieve something (the quality of the desire might differ but still there is a want, even if it is a want of no want, no desire)

Mediation practiced as a space, as a place to hide away for a few min or few hours or as a place to mind the mind, “control” the mind
replace the current images of the mind, occupy the mind with a different imagination to experience some form of my perception of ecstasy/bliss, a place to go away, a space to escape from my daily life,
My daily life that is not serving my pleasures and wants of the pleasures and wants of the mind born out of pleasures and wants will just be that –
A framed, a confined, however refined it is, still a confined “hallucination” that the mind will eventually get used to
which inturn will no longer serve my wants to fulfill my wants of peace/bliss/love/ecstasy etc.

For now, the practice of one mediatation is no longer serving me, I will start swinging between this type of mediation and that type of mediation, never understanding my want, my desire to meditate in the first place, to “escape” in the first place.

And meditations of this type, any type, will be like this to me – Before meditation I am digging my hole with a shovel and when I have gotten into habit, into the practice of meditation, I will dig my hole with a bulldozer.

Maybe when I actually see this, actually realize this nature of the practice, nature of all these well known mediations, nature of my own minds habit, will I still go after developing and attaching more habits to my already habituated mind, my practiced mind, filling/replacing more of the refined confinements?

Or will meditation be something entirely different for me?, as a space to become completely “Aware” of every single thought that is happening within me, questioning the nature of every thought and the very thought itself, and the self I call myself that is thinking of these thoughts?

Maybe then i will Question, Question the Question, Question the Question that is questioning the question?

I wonder, What would such a mind of mine be then?

Will I then become aware, totally aware with utmost attention, not focus but “complete attention”, complete responsibility to my every thought that may bring upon a different change within me, that may take me beyond habit, beyond practice, beyond every form of meditation out there?

Then, maybe then, will I still need to confine my mind, my thoughts for few min, few hours of this and that silly medications?

For now, maybe now, every thought, every second and every part of my life and the very life itself is a meditation in itself, a meditation of “Awareness”, A mediataion of “examination”.

A meditation of wonder, wondering the wonder that is wondering of the wonder to wonder of wonder with no wonder to wonder wonder
Maybe …..

Portion

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